Amanda Platell and her rubbish column

Amanda Platell. Sigh.

Guess which new myth about immigration she repeats in her column today?

That's right. It's that bloody cat again:

Only this week a court ruled that an illegal immigrant should not be deported as it would breach his human right to a family because he and his girlfriend now had a cat together. Such cases make a mockery of the British courts.

No, Amanda - such cases make a mockery of journalists who can't be bothered to do the slightest bit of research.

So that's three times this week that claim has been made in the Mail - once with the story, then with Littlejohn and now her. Given the lawyer involved has made it clear it's not true, why keep repeating it? Either it's a deliberate attempt to lie about immigration, or they're all a bit thick.

Probably both. But maybe it's more to do with laziness than stupidity. After all, if Amanda was really thick, she'd think 19 was a higher number than 24.

She does? Oh yes:

Commons Leader Harriet Harman has rewarded Parliament with the longest Christmas break since records began.

This year's Christmas break for MPs is 19 days. Last year it was 24 days. So not even the longest break since last year.

Still at least the former Conservative Party advisor wouldn't just indulge in partisan political points. Would she?

'Parliament is not yet fit for the 21st century,' thunders the Prime Minister. Why not? Because we don't have enough 'lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender candidates'.

So that's where it all went wrong then, Gordon. Not the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan, the banking collapse, the failing schools or corrupt MPs, but the sexual diversity quotas in Westminster.

What planet is he on?

Oh, she would. Maybe it's a planet where 24 days is longer than 19 days? But that's a fairly twisted interpretation and Brown never claimed that was 'where it all went wrong' or anything like it. More to the point, as Brown, David Cameron and Nick Clegg all said much the same things about the need for more MPs who are not white men, why pick on him alone? Cameron said:

under-representation of women and ethnic minorities was a 'real problem for Parliament and it's been an even greater problem for my party'.

And the Liberal Democrat leader said:

'Our Parliament pretends to represent modern Britain but it doesn't have modern Britain in it.'

Still, while she's having petty partisan pops at political folk she doesn't like, she might as well needlessly attack the Obamas again. A couple of weeks ago she curiously referred to Barack as having:

about as much charisma as a packet of cheese and onion crisps.

Barack Obama has been accused of many things but a lack of charisma? Still, she'd know all about politicians with charisma, having worked for, er, William Hague.

Today, it's Michelle she doesn't like. Why? Because she has done some hula-hooping. How dare she!

Am I the only one who, on seeing the picture of Michelle Obama swinging a hula-hoop around her hips, accompanied by a quote from the President saying 'My wife is the best hulahooper I know', felt more than a little nauseous?

Err, yes, you are.

She's supposed to be the First Lady, for heaven's sake, not a children's TV presenter.

Yes. How dare Michelle have a little bit of fun at a Healthy Kids Fair - designed to encourage kids to exercise more and eat better. And she did manage 142 hoops which, at a guess, is more than green-eyed Amanda can manage.

She also drips her bile on Alesha Dixon, who she infamously called a 'chocolate labrador', and who she still wants sacked from Strictly Come Dancing. After the ridiculous media over-reaction against Dixon following her first appearance as a judge on the show, the papers have hardly said a word. Not Amanda:

If a ratings-boost is required by the BBC, the solution is simple - bring Arlene back, and put Alesha 'Ditto' Dixon back on the dancefloor where she belongs.

Anyone who saw Arlene Phillips' dismal performance on Have I Got News For You might well wonder what the fuss is about. She spoke about twice during the broadcast programme, a clear indication her contributions were hilariously unmissable. Or not.

Still, hardly a surprise that Amanda doesn't know anything about popular culture either. Because in her desperation to attack yet another more successful (and, ahem, younger) woman she turns her attention to Nicole Kidman, who spoke out about violence against women in films a few days ago. Platell sniffs that complaining about women being portrayed as 'weak sex objects' would be:

marginally more credible if Kidman hadn't taken millions of dollars for playing a succession of just such parts.

Roles such as playing a high-class hooker in Moulin Rouge, a robotic spouse in Stepford Wives, a sexually confused wife in Eyes Wide Shut, a mailorder bride in Birthday Girl and a young tart on stage in The Blue Room.

Hmm. Well, that wasn't a 'succession of parts' as there were other films in-between those ones. And in Stepford Wives she was (spoiler!) never transformed into a robotic wife, but played along to uncover the mystery. In The Blue Room she played five different roles, including a 'young tart', but neither that nor the characters in Birthday Girl and Eyes Wide Shut were exactly 'weak'. In Moulin Rogue she was only weak in the sense she was dying.

And she certainly wouldn't have taken 'million of dollars' appearing on stage. But Amanda ends:

Is Nicole really turning her back on sexist, exploitative roles? Or, now she's 42, have they turned their back on her?

Having failed to make her case, she comes to a catty conclusion. She's too old and passed it at 42 to be sexy! And yet she's ten years younger than Amanda.

Isn't it time the media turned it's back on Amanda? Not because of her age, but because she writes badly researched, superficial nonsense.