First, Tuesday. Front-page headline Jordan's Alex and Peter in TV punch-up clearly suggests that Jordan's ex-husband Peter Andre and current boyfriend Alex Reid have been in a fight. On TV.
What might happen is that they might join another Jordan ex (Dane Bowers) in being contestants in the final series of Celebrity Big Brother which starts early next year.
Or, of course, they might not.
The Star's probably-invented insider says:
'It would kick off big time. There would be big trouble as soon as they set eyes on each other.'
But if they aren't in there, then it wouldn't, right? The almost-certainly non-existant source added:
'Who wouldn’t tune in to see those three go toe-to-toe?'
Yesterday, the same basic story, the same front page layout, the same lack of accuracy but different protagonists.
Macca versus Mucca on ice clearly suggests that Paul McCartney and his ex-wife Heather Mills are both going to be taking part in the next series of Dancing On Ice.
And, no, these reality TV shows never, ever end.
'Couple go to war on telly dance show', the sub-head boldly states.
Paul McCartney? On an ice-skating show? Surely not?
No. Of course not.
Yes, Heather Mills has been confirmed a contestant by ITV. But by 'Macca' the Star actually means, err, Emily Atack.
Blonde Emily, who has starred in Channel 4 sitcom The Inbetweeners, is the daughter of actress and impressionist Kate Robbins, 49, who is Paul’s cousin.
Well, make that Paul's 'first cousin once removed' according to Robbins' Wikipedia entry.
In other words: Mucca versus Macca's distant relative - on ice.