Littlejohn's back - but you can't really tell because it's like every other column he's ever written

It's never a good feeling to wander into the newsagents and see that Richard Littlejohn is going to be sharing his ignorant views on immigration with Daily Mail readers.

Today's column - the whole page - is full of such cliched Littlejohn talking points it's almost like a spoof.

There's the obligatory 'Mind How You Go', 'elf'n'safety' and 'yuman rites', there's 'dopey bird' to describe a young woman who has done something he doesn't like, there's a mention of the 'Wicked Witch' (yes, he's still on about Cherie Blair), and, of course, immigration, Muslims and homosexuality, which includes the use of the word 'nonce'.

But his main topic of concern is Judge Trigger. The headline is A judge telling the truth about immigration? Take him to the cells! which includes an interesting use of the word 'truth'.

It's not really worth going over the story again, but Littlejohn does. He adds:

Enter the country illegally, steal, sell drugs, forge passports and you'll be lavished with unlimited Legal Aid, benefits and sympathy.

Of course, the man in this case entered on a visitor visa, so not 'illegally'. The idea of 'unlimited' benefits is so wildly inaccurate that it hardly deserves critical comment (surprising he didn't mention the free cars though). It's worth repeating that apart from the time he was claiming asylum, this drug dealer was not on benefits. (And if he did receive asylum support payments for a full two years while his case was considered, that only amounts to £4,384.)

It's never been quite clear why Judge Trigger's remarks about the national debt had anything to do with immigration anyway - that really isn't the cause of the UK's financial woes.

Still, Littlejohn gives some advice to the drug dealer:

Lucien McClearley's best hope of remaining in Britain would seem to be cosying up to the nearest nonce while he's inside and throwing himself on the mercy of the Court of Appeal when he's released.

See what he did there? Hilarious. He's ranting about immigration and having a dig at homosexuals. Which he does again, in another little piece:

Just a thought, but if Harriet Harman reckons that it takes a man and a woman to run the country, why does she also believe that two men are perfectly capable of bringing up a baby without a mother?

Hardly seems a comparable situation, and in any case, Harman is a bit of an idiot and her comments were more designed for her own ambition than anything else. But she actually said one of either the leader or deputy leader should be a woman. That's not the same as 'running the country' together because we have a cabinet system. But if it gives Littlejohn a chance to slag off a loving couple who want to bring up a child, that's all that matters.

And then he moves on to the South Yorkshire Police for their attempts to improve relations with the Muslim community.

This patronising stunt is the clearest evidence yet that some sections of the police force have gone stark, staring bonkers.

Patronising? You mean patronising like calling a woman a 'dopey bird'? :

imagine how the majority of dedicated proper coppers feel when they see dopey birds dipping into the dressing-up box and indulging in a little light shopping in the name of 'celebrating diversity'.

It is still hard to understand how anyone could get so upset about what three policewomen do for one day in the name of improving understanding and cultural sensitivity. Can anyone explain what the problem is?

But from Littlejohn, none of this is any surprise at all. What is surprising is how he gets paid so much for reheating stories from that week's Mail, with a few extra insults and tiresome catchphrases thrown in.